A guy walks into a pharmacy.. A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he has anything for somebody who needs to get through a really stressful situation. The pharmacist thinks for a few seconds and holds up a bottle of pills, “this is pretty strong stuff. One of these relaxes the…
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed. The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables. The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even…
Sex could be fatal… An 85 year old man, who has been a single widower for 30 years, gets engaged to a 27 year old girl. He goes to his doctor for a Viagra prescription in preparation for his wedding night. The doctor tells him, ” I need to warn you that given the length…
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a police officer. “What’s going on…
[old joke] A navy officer sent a letter to his wife that he would be arriving a week earlier.. When he arrives,he finds his wife in bed with another man. Disgusted, he goes to the navy base and stays in the lodge contemplating what to do next. The next day, he receives a call from…
Little Johnny is at the park with his dad… They see two dogs humping and Little Johnny asks, “What are they doing dad?” Little Johnny’s dad not wanting to lie responds, “they are making puppies”. Later that night little Johnny walks in on his mom and dad making love in missionary position. Little Johnny asks,…
A bear walks into a bar… The bear says: “I’d like a whiskey and……………………….coke please. Bartender says: “Why the big pause?” Bear replies: “I was born with them.” Edit: Thanks for the upvotes! I actually lived this joke right before posting while making dinner for my kids (changed the drink and location). Here’s how it…
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices large sign on the wall: $500 IF WE FAIL TO FILL YOUR ORDER! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant dung on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the…
At the diner… A guy walks into a diner and orders a cup of coffee. The waitress pours him one, and walks away. The guy raises the cup to his lips, when suddenly a little voice from inside the cup squeaks “Buddy, if I was as ugly as you, I’d shave my ass and teach…
A woman is walking home with her daughters. The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, “Mummy, how did I get my name?” “Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Rose.” The second daughter, now curious, asks the…