A Soviet archeology team is in Egypt on an expedition They come across a pyramid and inside it is a mummy. Unfortunately, they can’t determine who the mummy is. They get in touch with the NKVD who arrive a few hours later in the form of three hulking men carrying briefcases. The NKVD goons go…
God is watching The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: ‘Take only ONE . God is watching.’ Moving further along the lunch line, at…
Timmy is in second grade studying subtraction when the teacher asks, “Timmy, if I have 5 cats and give you 2, how many cats do you have?” Timmy, “3.” Teacher, “no Timmy, if I have 5 cats and give you 2, I have 3 left. 5 minus 2 is 3. What if I have 5…
A teacher gathers her kids from recess and asks them what they did. Joey goes first: “I was playing kickball.” The teacher says, “Very good, Joey! Spell ‘ball’, and I’ll give you a cookie.” Janey goes next: “I was playing kickball with Joey.” “Very good, Janey! Spell ‘kick’, and I’ll give you a cookie!” Jordan…
A housekeeper approached the lady of the house to ask for a raise… “And why would you deserve a raise, may I ask?”, said the wealthy homeowner. “3 reasons: Because I’m a better cook than you are”, said the maid. “Who told you that?” “Your husband. And I’m also better at cleaning.” “Who told you…
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the bartender delivers it, the cowboy looks around and notices the bar is completely deserted other than himself and the bartender… “Where is everybody? This place is usually packed this time of day,” the cowboy says. The bartender replies, “They’ve gone to the hanging.”…
Three men walk into a bar. One works for Budweiser, one works for Corona, and one works for Guinness. “What would you like?” the bartender asks the Budweiser worker. “I’ll have a Budweiser,” says the Budweiser worker. “And you?” the bartender asks the Corona worker. “I’ll have a Corona,” responds the Corona worker. “Let me…
A wife desperately tries to prove to her husband that her affair is over. He had already forgiven her, but still hadn’t spoken to her in days. The only thing she could think of, is that he must still not trust her. To convince him, she cut her ex lover’s obituary out of the newspaper….
A woman is pregnant with twins when she gets into a car accident… …she wakes up in the hospital and the doctor says her twins have already been delivered, a boy and a girl. But since she wasn’t around to name them, they had to ask her brother to give them legal names. The woman…
Seamus has a broken leg and his buddy Paddy comes over to see him. Paddy asks, “How you doin’?” Seamus says, “Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.” Paddy goes upstairs and sees Seamus’s gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters lying on the bed. He says,…