My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour’s rabbit hanging lifeless from it’s jaws. Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch. That evening…
A man is riding in the back of a taxi… and the taxi driver is silent and concentrated on the road. Wanting to ask a question, the man taps the driver on the shoulder and says “Hey, buddy!” The driver screams and loses control of the taxi and crashes into a pole. The man says…
A Newly Wed Chinese Couple Go on Their Honeymoon They get to the hotel late. The bride is visibly nervous and the groom is patiently and lovingly trying to reassure her. He says “You don’t need to worry about anything. Anything you want, I do for you.” Feeling a bit calmer she inquisitively looks at…
Bumping into People A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your…
First golf joke I’ve heard less than 1,000,000 times. A Catholic, a Baptist and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families. “I have four boys, and my wife is expecting another,” says the Catholic. “One more son, and I’ll have a basketball team.” “That’s nothing,” says the Baptist. “I have 10 boys…
Pregnancy checkups There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pregnancy checkups. The doctor asked the first woman “in what position was the baby conceived?” “He was on top”, she replied. “You will have a boy!” the doctor exclaimed. The second woman was asked the same question. “I was on top”, was the…
I was playing fold yesterday with an old acquaintance There were two women ahead who were playing really slowly. Eventually my golfing partner lost his patience and told me to go and ask them to let us play through. As I wandered up to them, I immediately recognised my wife and my mistress. I went…
A man is cheating on his wife A man is cheating on his wife Lorain with her sister Cleerly. After years of this, Lorain becomes terminally ill, and the man decides to devote all of his time to his wife, leaving his mistress alone. After his wife passes, he spends all of his time planning…
A middle aged man needs to buy condoms, but he doesn’t know what size he needs… So he asks the cashier at the checkout line. She reaches over the counter, grabs his crotch, and calls out over the intercom, “Medium condoms needed at register 3!” An older gentleman has the same problem later that day,…
A man bought a box with 100 condoms… When he came home he counted the condoms, and to his dismay found that here were only 99 condoms in the box. He immediately wrote an email to the company, to complain about the missing condom. Already the next day he got an express delivery with a…