Dirty Old Man Joke #536 An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might…
Two Italian men get on a bus… They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: “Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two…
Day off A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. “Hey, girls,” says the brunette, “let’s go home early tomorrow. She’ll never know.” So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening…
It’s the first day of the parapsychology class. The professor asks, “How many of you believe in ghosts?” All of the hands go up. “And how many of you have ever seen a ghost?” About 90% of the hands go up. “And how many of you have ever touched a ghost?” About 20% of the…
I haven’t had sex since 1956! A woman asked a general in the army the last time he made love to a woman, the general stood tall and said “1956 ma’am.” The woman taken back by this answer said “1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better…” and the two sauntered away to a…
Small Head A man with a very small head walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, “Why is your head so small?” He replies, “I was stuck on this island and there was nothing but beautiful women there who had never seen a man before. So I had sex with all of them. Their…
The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.” The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with…
I haven’t had sex since 1956 A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied “1956, ma’am.” The woman, in disbelief said “1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better.” The woman and general went back to her apartment…
My wife and I wanted the sex of our baby to be a secret. She and I were sure the baby would be a girl, with four names, and we picked Alyssa Cassidy Shea Smith to be her name.. but there was always that doubt in the back of our minds. The delivery day came…
A lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life… Doctor: Give your husband viagra. Lady: I can’t, he hates pills. Doctor: Just put it in his coffee. Next week she returns, unhappy. Doctor: Was it good? Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee,…