A Chinese guy and a Jewish guy are drinking at the bar… The Jewish guy turns to the Chinese guy and says, “Fu*k you and your people, for bombing Pearl Harbor!” The Chinese guy is like, “WTF?! That wasn’t us. That was the Japanese!” The Jewish guy: “Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese… you’re all the same.” After…
Three friends are fishing when a crocodile comes ashore and grants them three wishes… The first friend says “I wish I could catch a huge marlin” The crocodile swims away for a moment, then comes back. The friend then pulls in a massive marlin. “Amazing!” Says the second friend “Well you know what? I wish…
Drunk guys and a Taxi Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, “We’re here”. The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said “Thank you”. The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was…
A blonde buys a gun. A young blonde is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home early to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She pulls the gun from her purse and…
The vaccine conspiracy Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him: “Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?” “No, autism…
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks, “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w-where’s the m-m-m-men’s dep-p-p-partment?” Again, the clerk doesn’t answer him. The guy asks several more…
The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset. The wife asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?” Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said that?” Helen: “Your husband.” Wife: “Oh.” Helen: “The second…
A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby. The baby wouldn’t take it so she said, “Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I’ll have to give it to this nice man next to us.” Five minutes later…
A teacher is teaching good manners to her third-grade class and asks them how they would excuse themselves to use the restroom during a dinner date. Michael answers, “Just a minute, I have to go pee.” The teacher says this is rude. Sherman answers, “I am sorry, but I really need to go to the…
A car full of Irish nuns sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up along side of them. “Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know…