A very drunk man in a bar orders another scotch. The bartender says, “You’re too drunk, Joe, go home. Joe says, “Fine, I’ll take my business elsewhere,” and walks out. A few minutes later he walks back in and says, “I’ll have a scotch.” The bartender says, “Joe, I told you. You’re too drunk. Go…
An anti-semite goes to a bar An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn’t like it. “Bartender!” he says, nodding at the Jew, “A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!” Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch. The [anti-semite!](http://www.afterfeed.com/story/detail/13350/14-epic-jokes-by-chandler-bing-from-friends-that-will-make-hole-in-your-belly) looks over…
A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey… A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The barkeep says “That’ll be 2 pence” “2 pence!?” said the man. “That’s cheap! Do you sell food?” “Yep” , said the barkeep “Alright, I’ll have a steak and chips” replied the man “Sure” said…
Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says “Ok, I’ll bite. Why are you invisible?” Obama says “Well, I found a bottle on the beach and…then I rubbed it.” “And then…importantly…A genie came out.” “The genie said I could have…3 wishes.” For my first wish,…
A Nazi goes to a bar… A Nazi goes to a bar, looks around, and sees an Orthodox Jew sitting at a nearby table. “Barkeep!”, he says, “A round on me for everyone but that gentleman right there.” Everyone in the bar receives a cocktail, he looks over at the Jew and notices him smiling…
A man and his family walk into a bar… Inside of the bar, the man’s youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating “World’s longest memory”. The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true. The child asks “What did you have for breakfast 30 years…
So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, “caution, I’m a maneater”. I walked up to the girl and timidly said, “excuse me, Miss… about your shirt” She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; “Oh let me guess, you’re here to make a…
A man is showing off his new apartment… After a night at the bar, he brings his friends up, where he has large brass gong and a mallet. “What’s with the gong and mallet?” One of his friends asked. “It’s not a gong, it’s a talking clock,” the man replied. “A talking clock? Seriously?” “Yup.”…
Cheaper Pub in the World Guy walks into a pub and asks the bar man for a pint; “That will be $0.05 please sir”. “Wow, in that case I will have a shot of whisky too” “Certainly, that will be $0.03 sir”. “Damnnn, OK and a packet of crisps”. “0.01 please sir, $0.08 all together”….
An underage weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. I can’t serve underage weasels.” The weasel says, “That’s fine. I don’t need something alcoholic. What else do you have?” The bartender says “Oh, we have lots! We have water, pop, tea, coffee, smoothies. What would you like?” “Pop,” goes the weasel. Edit:…