One of my personal favorites (Thanks Good Will Hunting) So I’m on a plane flying from New York to LA and the pilot gives his “now free to move about the cabin” message, only he forgets to turn off the mic, so the entire plane hears him when he turns to the copilot and says…
An Alabama girl sees her mother showering An Alabama girl sees her mother showering. She sees her tits and asks: “Mom, what is that on your chest?” The mother says: “Nothing important sweetie, you’ll get them too when you are older!” Later in the day, she sees her father showering. She sees her dad’s dick…
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were in their obstetrician’s waiting room discussing their pregnancies. The brunette said she was certain she was going to have a boy, because she was on top when she got pregnant! The red head said she was certain she was going to have a girl because she was…
A Blonde and Condoms The most beautiful blonde woman you’ve ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the…
Extra Large Condoms The most beautiful blonde woman you’ve ever seen walks into the drugstore. She walks to the pharmacy and asks if they sell Extra-Large condoms, the cashier says yes and points her down aisle 11. About 30 minutes go by and the pharmacist notices that the blonde is still looking at the condoms….
I asked my grandfather for twenty dollars. “Twenty dollars?!” he said. “For what?” “To buy groceries,” I told him. “When I was a boy,” my grandfather said. “My mama would give me one dollar, just *one dollar*, and I’d go to the store and come home with two loaves of bread, two sacks of potatoes,…
A multimillionaire goes to a psychologist [OC] So, the multimillionaire is lying there on the couch, and he says, “I have this problem where I buy things. Big things, little things. It doesn’t matter if it’s a good deal or not. It doesn’t matter whether or not I need it. It’s the thrill of the…
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.” The bride…
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town… They were about to have sex when the girl stopped. “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $50 for sex.” The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After…
It’s 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue’s father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they’re planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they’ll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue’s father suggests, “Why…