A woman goes into a pharmacy She says to the pharmacist, “I’d like a poison that will kill my husband but make it look like he died of natural causes.” The pharmacist says, “Ma’am, not only can I not do that for you, I’m going to call the police and report you.” The woman takes…
Last year a guy took his Blonde girl friend to the Superbowl They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were…
A guy falls in love with a very traditional and conservative girl… …that means no sex before marriage. But he doesn’t care, he loves her. After a year of dating he decides its time to propose to her. So he heads to her father’s house to ask for his blessing. “Hello, sir, I’m here to…
At a doll store Man: “Do you work here?” Lady: “Yes!” “I need to buy a Barbie doll for my daughter. How much are they?” “Which Barbie? We have Barbie goes to the gym for $19.95, Barbie goes to the ball for $19.95, Barbie goes to the beach for $19.95, Barbie goes shopping for $19.95,…
A man is walking home late at night… …when he sees a woman in the shadows. “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it’s a police officer. “What’s…
A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning….
Am I Adopted? Alfie: Mummy, am I adopted? Mum: Heavens, no. Why would you ask such a thing? Alfie: we all did a DNA test in school today, & mine is different from yours AND daddy’s. Mum: DARRYL! come here. What’s all this about? (and she explains to hubby). Dad: Of course he’s not ours!…
Happy father’s day! 5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom: Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives… one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me Mom: And which one will put you to sleep Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you Mom’s eyes filled…
The children were lined up in the cafeteria… The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is watching.” Moving further along…
A raise The maid asked for a raise, and the wife was upset. She asked, “Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?” Helen: “There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you.” Wife: “Who said that?” Helen: “Your husband.” Wife: “Oh.” Helen: “The second reason is that…