On night a kid walks in, just as his parents are have sex. He runs out crying. Then next day, his mom goes to speak to him about it. “Did you see me last night on top of daddy, bouncing up and down?” The kid nodded. “You know daddy has a big belly, well I…
A new law Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. “What brings you guys in today?” the bartender asks. “I guess you haven’t heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants during Covid-19. All adult males are required to go and eat lunch out with their…
An old man goes to confession one morning. An old man goes to church one morning and heads into confession. Inside, he says to the priest, “Father, I’m 80 years old, a widower, with 11 grandchildren. Last night I met two beautiful flight attendants. They took me home and I made love to both of…
A man hires a blonde to paint his porch. He tells her that the brushes, paint, and ladders are in the garage. About 30 minutes later he hears a knock and answers the door. The blonde lets him know that she’s finished. “Wow” he says, “that was quick. Did you have enough paint?” “Yup, enough…
Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible? Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went…
Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. . First Lady:Whats that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesnt get wet. First Lady: Where did…
An 88-year old man came to the hospital and said to the doctor, “Doctor, my 18 year old wife is pregnant with my child.” The doctor paused and said, “There was a master bear shooter in a village. He never missed a shot. But one day he was in a hurry, and took his umbrella…
GIVE THIS MAID A BELLS… A maid wanted a salary raise. Madam wanted 3 reasons why she wanted a raise. Maid: I can cook Better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Madam: OK, second reason? Maid: I can iron better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your…
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?” The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me.” The bride…
A farmer has to go to town. Unfortunately, he’s expecting the artificial insemination guy a little later that day. So he takes his not-too-bright wife to the barn and says, “See this nail? That means this is the right stall. This is the cow that we need inseminated.” And the farmer goes off to town….