The Lawyer’s dog A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, “Hey, if your dog stole a roast…
A man was crossing the jungle when he got ambushed by a group of natives. They had fearsome tattoos and bloodthirsty expressions in their faces and in front of them their terrible chieftain, a man the size of a mountain. “Well, now I’m fucked,” says the man quietly, when suddenly gusts of wind start blowing…
After the honeymoon. Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After along period of silence she finally speaks. Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married…
A man goes into a bar… …and orders a beer. The barman gives him a beer and tells him that it is on the house. When the man orders a second beer, he tries to pay but the barman refuses to take his money. This continues for well over an hour, and the man realizes…
Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to…
A Guy Goes Into A Bar A guy goes into a bar, orders a martini, and strikes up a conversation with an attractive woman sitting next to him. “This is a special day,” he says, “I’m celebrating.” “I’m celebrating, too,” she replies, clinking glasses with him. “What are you celebrating?” he asks. “For years I’ve…
Some decades ago, 4 of the biggest UK insurance firms explored a merger. A designer was commissioned to provide a new coat of arms for the new company. But, when the designer presented his mock-up, the companies’ representatives saw a shield containing four intricately detailed scenes, and gave way to shocked silence. “What the hell…
Two men were out golfing The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up. So one man says to his friend, “I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.” He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his…
A bus full of politicians crashes in a deserted area there was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goesto take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. 30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks “Where…
Is she a virgin? Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a Do-It-Yourself Shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel. Paddy asked, “And what do I…