I was going through a messy divorce and getting screwed by my wife&’s lawyer when I found an old lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. “Thank you for freeing me” he said. “In return I grant you 3 wishes” “Oh! this is great,” I said. “For my first one I wish I had…
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!” “Everything is bigger in Texas,” says the bellhop. The man heads downstairs to the bar, settles into a huge barstool and orders a beer. A mug is placed between his hands. “Wow these drinks…
A blonde, brunette, and redhead mom go to a cafe…. They had each stolen their daughters purses to see what their girls did in their free time. The redhead mom opens her daughters purse first and finds a pack of cigarettes. “Oh my God, Debbie smokes! I am going to kill her!” The brunette mom…
This guy, Bob, recently moved to a new ranch, when he heard a knock on the door He opens the door and the man at the door says: “Howdy and welcome to the neighbourhood. I’m Billy and I’m your neighbour from the ranch up the road.” “Well howdy.” says Bob. “Nice to make your acquaintence.”….
A man is praying in church. He looks up to heaven and says “God, could you answer a question for me?” “Of course, my son,” says God, “what would you like to know?” “God, what is a million years to you?” “Well,” says God, “a million years to me is as a second.” “Hmm,” says…
A wife took her husband to a strip club as a birthday treat. The doorman greeted them, “Hi Jim! How are you?” “How does he know you?” asked the wife. “Oh dear, I play football with him,” said Jim. Inside, the bartender asked, “Hello Jim! The usual?” Jim turned to his wife. “Before you say…
A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. “Thank you,” the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at…
A very shy person wanted to learn how to approach a girl. So he went to watch a video on how to overcome shyness and talk to girls. In the video, the coach made a demo where he approched a girl and immediately asked her to guess a number from 1 to 9. The girl…
Cop on Patrol A cop is patrolling at night and sees a car parked in lover’s lane. He knocks on the window, when it’s rolled down he sees a guy in the front seat playing on his phone and a girl in the back seat reading a magazine. The cop says “What’s going on here?”…
A husband hires a private detective to find out if his wife is cheating on him. The detective reports back and says he discovered, unfortunately, that she is. “What happened?” asks the husband “She went to a hotel and waited in the bar area. On three different occasions men came up to her, handed her…