A man goes into a bar… …and orders a beer. The barman gives him a beer and tells him that it is on the house. When the man orders a second beer, he tries to pay but the barman refuses to take his money. This continues for well over an hour, and the man realizes…
Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to…
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast…
A Guy Goes Into A Bar A guy goes into a bar, orders a martini, and strikes up a conversation with an attractive woman sitting next to him. “This is a special day,” he says, “I’m celebrating.” “I’m celebrating, too,” she replies, clinking glasses with him. “What are you celebrating?” he asks. “For years I’ve…
Some decades ago, 4 of the biggest UK insurance firms explored a merger. A designer was commissioned to provide a new coat of arms for the new company. But, when the designer presented his mock-up, the companies’ representatives saw a shield containing four intricately detailed scenes, and gave way to shocked silence. “What the hell…
Two men were out golfing The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up. So one man says to his friend, “I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.” He starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his…
A bus full of politicians crashes in a deserted area there was only one man that could see the accident. The farmer who owns the house nearby heard the noises and goesto take a look, calling the police and ambulance on the way. 30 minutes later a policeman knocks on his door and asks “Where…
Is she a virgin? Paddy was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin. The doctor said, “Well, you need three things from a Do-It-Yourself Shop. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint… and a shovel. Paddy asked, “And what do I…
An older couple were lying in bed one night The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: “You used to hold my hand when we were courting.” Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep….
Mummy, how was I born? 10-years old girl asks her mum: “Mummy, how was i born?” The mother smiles a replies: “Once upon a time, me and your daddy had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it…