How to find your wife… A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, “I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket.” “Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” The woman looked puzzled. “Why talk to me?” she asked. The man replies”Because every time I talk to a…
Man says to his new bride…. After the honeymoon, the new wife told her husband, “I think it’s time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs.” The husband replied, “You’re starting to sound like my ex-wife.” His wife looked at him crossly and said, “I…
Early pregnancy A sexy young woman, out of breath, boarded a bus with no vacant seats. She asked a man, “Sir, can I have your place, I’m pregnant.” The man willingly relinquished his seat, but then commented, “You are very pretty, but you sure don’t look like you’re pregnant.” “Well,” said the woman, “that’s because…
Two men are playing golf when one realizes he’s left his jacket at the last tee He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back. “What’s up?” asks his mate. “Well, you see those two women at the tee. One’s my wife, and she’s playing with my mistress.” His mate laughs and says,…
A little boy is hit by a bus… …and things are not looking good. So an old lady leans over and says to the boy: “Son you got hit pretty bad, I know it’s hard to hear the truth but I’m afraid you might meet Jesus soon. Would you like to see a priest?” To…
A group of Soviet tourists takes express-lesson of Italian before departure. -Write a couple of phrases in Italian – tour guide says – such as: ”How much does lemonade cost?”, ”Where is the pharmacy?” One of the tourists asks: -How do I say ”Please, provide me a political asylum”? -What have you just said? –…
A teen walks into a pharmacy He walks up to the register and asks the cashier, “How much are condoms?” The cashier smirks at the boy and replies, “$5” The boy is visibly relieved and says, “okay! I’ll take them!” The cashier scans the box and hands them to the boys and says, “That will…
A woman who was in a house fire sustained some serious skin burns, largely on her face. Her husband volunteered to be a donor, and since the butt skin is the most delicate and smooth, that’s what the doctors used. After the surgery, and then some recovery time, the woman is standing in front of…
A boy meets a girl for a date The boy said: “I wanted to get you flowers, but when I got to the flower shop, a girl was blocking the door! She was dressed like a prostitute, and was murmuring something, I think it was numbers! I didn’t want to deal with her, so I…
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week She said: “Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds.” I asked her: “What do you think it means?” She smiled and said: “I don’t know…” Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at…