A Blonde gets caught speeding The cop is also a blonde. Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.” Driver: “What’s that?” Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.” Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop. Cop looks at it, hands it back…
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line. Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams “Tornado!” Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the…
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. “Wait,” said the priest,”Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?” St. Peter looked at his…
A naked man was walking down the street with a woman on his back A bloke on the other side of the road asked, “Where are you going?” The naked man replied, “To a fancy dress party.” “What as?” asked the bemused gentleman. “A tortoise”, said the naked man. “Well, who is the woman on…
Bob the milkman A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, “My wife just admitted to me that she’s been having an affair with Bob the milkman.” “What!?” says his buddy. “That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?” “That’s right,” says the first guy. “Jesus,”…
Car Battery and a Bra walk into a Bar… Car Battery and a Bra, walk into a bar. The Car battery asks the Barman “Two beers please mate for my partner and I” The Barman looks at the Car Battery and Bra and refuses to serve them. The car battery, looking confused asks why? The…
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What…
Blonde Joke Three pregnant women were having brunch together, discussing pregnancy matter, and the subject of the baby’s gender came up. Brunette: My baby’s going to be a boy because when my husband and I conceived, I was on top. Redhead: My baby is going to be a girl because I was on the bottom….
Birth control alternatives A husband and wife walk into a doctors office looking for alternative options for birth control as the pill is quite hormoney and the husband is allergic to latex. They ask the doctor “we’ve been thinking about exclusively practising anal sex, surely there’s no pregnancy risk there!” Doctor replies “don’t be silly,…
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a…