A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes. Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve found high traces of glucose in your urine. You’re diabetic.” She says….
A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, “What’s that smell? Is it brown sugar?” Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, “No I don’t think so. Smells like vanilla to me.” The baby mole still…
A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy The boy sees her bush and asks, “Mommy what is that?” The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, “Why that’s my sponge, sweetie.” The boy then says, “Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one.” Apalled, the mother asks, “How do you know something like that?”…
The little black jewish boy… A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I…
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. “Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. “Guess how old I’m going to be next month.” “I don’t know, beauty,” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?” She smiled and held up four fingers. It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been…
A boorish man gave his order to the waitress… A boorish man gave his order to the waitress. “I’m going to start off with a half a dozen oysters on the half shell. You know what they say about oysters, don’t you, honey?” he asked as he winked at the woman. “They make you sexy.”…
The indicted serial killer was asked to stand. “You are charged with murdering a young schoolteacher with a chain saw,” the judge intoned. “Lying bastard!” a man shouted from the gallery. The judge fixed the unruly fellow with a Stern stare, but continued. “You are also charged with murdering a housewife with a shovel. “Damn…
A blonde colors her hair red and moves countryside She meets a farmer and challenges him: “If I can guess your profession, I get your dog for free.” The farmer agrees. The blonde declares that he is a farmer, and wins the bet. As she’s stuffing the animal into the trunk of her Fiat, the…
My dyslexic blonde girlfriend just said “How do we know which of the other 49 states are real?” I said: “What? They’re all real” She said: “No they’re not, we only know for certain that one is real, no one’s certain about the other ones. Just like the saying goes” *Now very confused* I reply:…
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates. St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself. St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into…