My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring The stone was cut in the shape of a four leaf clover. I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me. One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s. Unfortunately they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled,…
I call my wife Bambi She thinks it’s because she’s cute with big brown eyes. But it’s really because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle. **Edit:** Some people have accused me of “being a plagiarist” and “stealing other’s jokes”… Their words, not mine… *Pause for comedic value* But seriously, this…
One day I called home and my kid answered. I asked where’s mom? He said mom’s upstairs with the neighbor. I noticed his voice sounded off, but I got horrified and ran home. On the way I realized I accidentally dialed the wrong number, the neighbor’s. So I sighed in relief and called back my…
A young executive is leaving the office late one evening, when he finds the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. “Listen,” says the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing…
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst… Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman: “Ma’am, I think your husband…
Little Sam loves ninjas He has a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang. One day he’s playing and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck. He runs downstairs to his mum, bawling. “Mummy, look what happened!” She sees the welt and screams, “Sam, your eye!” Sam stops crying, looks up and says, “For…
A mother and her child in a taxi, A mother and her child are riding in a taxi when the child asks, “Mom, what are those women doing on the corner?” “They’re waiting for their husbands,” she replies. The taxi driver chimes in, “Come on, lady, those are prostitutes!” The child looks puzzled and asks,…
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The girl at the counter asked the older boy, “do you know what these are used for?” The boy replied, “not exactly, but they’re not for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We…
A man comes home and finds his wife packing her things. He asked what’s going on. She says she’s leaving him and moving to Las Vegas because she found out that she can make $500 a night as a prostitute. He then starts packing as well. She asks him what he thinks he’s doing. He…
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy. The man says, “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The guy replies, “Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup…