Pregnant girlfriend Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible? Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went…
A handsome man in a suit approaches a young lady at a bar and asks if he can buy her a drink. “Don’t you have a girlfriend?” she asked. “Guys like you always have girlfriends.” He looked downcast, “No, sadly we broke up just over a month ago.” “Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she…
My girlfriend just dumped me. She said in a teary tirade: “I can’t take your shit any more. You’re such a pedant. Everything I do is wrong. I loved you so much, but it’ll never be enough for you. I’m leaving now. Me and Gary are driving up north through the night and then you’ll…
Man: My girlfriend is pregnant, but I always wear a condom. How did this happen? Doctor: Let me tell you a story; a hunter carried his gun with him everywhere he went. One day, he mistakenly grabbed his umbrella and went out. A lion attacked him and hoping to scare it off he pointed the…
I bumped into an old school friend today I bumped into an old school friend today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s gorgeous, you should see…
My girlfriend is a porn star! She’s going to be really mad when she finds out. EDIT: Will people stop asking me to post the source or a picture, this is a joke that it is why it is here instead of in mildlyinterestng. The truth is my girlfriend tried to be a porn star…
Blowjobs do not relieve headaches The other day, I had an astoundingly painful headache and I couldn’t help but complain about it to my girlfriend. She surprised me by saying, “Ya know, blowjobs can be a natural cure for a headache…” So, I thought it was worth a shot. But that day I learned my…
My girlfriend “Dad joked” me on a hike. I asked my girlfriend what she thought trees would sound like if they talked while on a hike. She said “I bet we couldn’t understand them” I said “why do you think that?” She said “because they probably only bark” She then laughed the next half mile…
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week She said: “Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds.” I asked her: “What do you think it means?” She smiled and said: “I don’t know…” Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at…
A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin… A redneck finds out his girlfriend is a virgin. Upon hearing this, he stands up, turns away from her, and leaves without a word. Later, when his buddies at the bar ask what went wrong, he explains… “If she ain’t good enough for her daddy, her…