11 yr old nephew told me this. A bus full of 50 ugly people crashed and everyone died and went to heaven. Saint Peter decided that since their deaths were so violent, he would grant them all one wish before going to heaven. The first person wished to finally be attractive, and the last person…
A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL condoms at kept… A lady walks into a store and asks where the XL condoms are kept. The manager sends her off to the family planning section. After ten minutes, the manager takes routine a walk around the store, to check on things. He…
Condoms A boy and his father are shopping when they pass the condom aisle. The boy sees three pack sizes of condoms, a pack of three, one of six, and one of twelve. He grabs the three pack. The father says, “Those are for high schoolers. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for…
Cigarettes in the rain Two old ladies were sitting out in front of a nursing home smoking, when all of the sudden it began to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut the tip off and slid it over her cigarette and continued smoking. *Lady 2*: “What in the world is that?”…
A man really hated his wife’s cat. One day, he put the cat in his car and took it to the end of the block and let it go. When he got home he saw that the cat had beat him home. Undeterred, he put the cat in the car and took it a few…
An escort goes to the hospital She is a few hours away from getting a heart transplant and quite nervous. She asks the surgeon, “Doctor, what if my body rejects it?” The surgeon replies, “Well, you’re in good health apart from your heart. What do you do for a living?” She shyly admits, “Um, actually…
A man and his wife went on vacation to Israel, his mother-in-law decided to go, too. One night on the trip, the mother-in-law died of a heart attack. The couple visited a local undertaker who said that it would cost $1500 to take the woman’s body back to the US. “However,” said the undertaker, “We…
A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working… …and asks him, “Daddy, what’s sex?” So, her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, erections and wet-dreams….
A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having Sex One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent’s bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy. That very next morning, she asks her mom, “Mommy, why were you hopping…
A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood. First they tried maple. He smelled it and said, “That’s maple.” They then…