A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather…
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. “How much is that Barbie in the window?” he asks the shop assistant. In a manner, she responds, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95,…
A farmer had three daughters… and each was going on a date one Friday night. The first daughters date showed up “Hi I’m Freddy here to pick up Betty to eat spaghetti, is she ready?” Betty left with Freddy. The second daughters date showed up “Hey I’m Joe here to pick up Flo to go…
A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken. A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned…
Buying aspirin Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. “I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms.” “Yeah, I went to a…
Little Johnny, annoyed by all the rules he has to follow in the house, goes to his dad. “Dad, I’m 10, but still have to get permission to leave the house, to stay out late with my friends, to skip school, to eat what I want, to buy what I want. At what age will…
My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning.. “Why do you shave, daddy?” she enquired. “Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin.” I explained. “Does it hurt?” she asked. “No, not at all.” I said. “Unless I cut myself.” “And then do you put a Band Aid on?” She asked. “No,…
Two boys, one five the other six, have returned home from their first visit to a farm. The older boy runs to Mom and shouts excitedly: – Mommy, Mommy, we were shown so many things there! You won’t believe it, but we saw a pig that was even fatter than you! The mother gives the…
The Promotion I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary. “Well, you’d better hire someone who’s a bit old, fat and ugly” she said “I don’t want…
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop where an old-timer is having breakfast. One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. Without a word of protest, the old…