A man rushes into a bar and orders a double brandy. While the barman is pouring, the man extends his hand at knee height and asks: “Do penguins grow this big?” “I should think so,” the barman replies. The man raises his hand. “How about this big?” “Well, perhaps a king penguin, but I’m not…
A regular family dinner Son: Mama, I saw Papa in the maids bedroom today Pa: H-Hey now you just be quiet and eat your dinner son Ma: Go on son… Son: Papa took off his clothes and the maid did the same!!! Pa: Now listen here you lying little sh– Ma: Finish the story Son!…
A Mormon and an Irishman were on a plane After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, “I’d rather be savagely raped by…
Julius Caesar and Marcus Brutus are at the airport. Brutus: “Which is our boarding gate Caesar?” Caesar: “A-2 Brutus” Brutus: “And what time is the flight Caesar?” Caesar: “8:02 Brutus” Brutus: “By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?” Caesar: “Ate two Brutus” Brutus: “This is an unusual paper size for a…
A baby is born And to the surprise of everybody, after a few minutes, he starts talking. “I was born to live 3 days” he says “my mother will die in 6 days and my father in 14 days” After 3 days the baby dies. After 6 days it is the mother to pass away….
A teacher asks his students to make a sentence with the word “contagious”… …Sally answers, “Viruses are contagious.” “Very good Sally. Anybody else?”, the teacher says. Ben puts up his hand, “When I hear someone laugh, I like to laugh as well, because laughter is contagious”. “Thankyou Ben, that was a good example”, replies the…
I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.” He said, “NO!” I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.” He said, “OK.” I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.” Bill Gates said, “NO.” I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”…
Three young boys are exploring the woods near a river One of the boys is crouched behind a rock and is looking at something. He calls the other two over to look with him. In the river is a beautiful naked woman bathing. One of the boys immediately starts running in the other direction screaming….
A man is happily talking with friends about the recent birth of his twin children. “They’re both safe and healthy” he says “But thing is, they look exactly identical. Even my wife gets them mixed up sometime.” “Surely you found a way to tell them apart?” his friends ask. “Yeah, I got an idea alright,…
DISEASE A newlywed couple on their honeymoon prepares to see each other naked for the first time. The husband exposes his knotted and twisted feet. He explains, “I had tolio as a child.” The wife asks if he means polio. He says, “No, it only affects the toes.” He removes his pants and reveals deformed…