A girl is at the circus… … and she sees an elephant. She asks her mom “What’s that between the elephant’s legs?” Her mom is embarrassed and says “That’s nothing, dear.” Unsatisfied with this answer, she turns to her dad and asks “Daddy, what’s that between the elephant’s legs?” Her dad is straightforward and says…
the pope’s secretary rings him: “your eminence, excuse me for bothering you, but i have some good news & some bad news to share. which one would you like to hear first?” the pope answers “well let’s have the good news first” “jesus has returned & he’s holding for you on line 1.” the pope…
There are some eerie similarities between the assassinations of President Lincoln and Kennedy… Lincoln was elected into Congress in 1846. JFK was elected into Congress in 1946. Lincoln was elected President in 1860. JFK was elected President in 1960. Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy. Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln. A week before he…
Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. Two American tourists were driving through Nova Scotia. As they were approaching Shubenacadde (shoe-been-ack-id-dee), they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blonde employee, “Before…
My daughter came up to me and said My daughter came up to me and said “daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?” I replied “well that’s so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven.” “That means mummy nearly died this morning!” She said, I asked “how?” “well…
Where do babies come from? A little girl asks her dad “Where do babies come from?” and the dad explains to her “Well, babies are made when two people love each other and then the daddy puts his penis in the mummy’s vagina.” The little girl then asks “If that is where babies com from…
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word ‘beautiful’ in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, ‘My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.’ ‘Very good, Suzie,’ replied…
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her!…
Speak English, you moron! An Amish farmer is walking through his field when he sees a guy drinking from his pond, scooping it up with his hand. The farmer says, “Trinken sie nicht das wasser, die kuhe unddie schweine haben in ihm geschissen,” (‘Don’t drink the water, the cows and the pigs shit in it’)….
Husband walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife is in bed reading a book. He stands at the foot of the bed and says, “See honey, this is the cow I fuck when you have a headache.” The wife puts the book down and looks at her husband. “If you weren’t so stupid”…