A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He’s an idiot! What…
Car Battery and a Bra walk into a Bar… Car Battery and a Bra, walk into a bar. The Car battery asks the Barman “Two beers please mate for my partner and I” The Barman looks at the Car Battery and Bra and refuses to serve them. The car battery, looking confused asks why? The…
Bob the milkman A couple of guys are at the bar. First guy says to his buddy, “My wife just admitted to me that she’s been having an affair with Bob the milkman.” “What!?” says his buddy. “That fat ugly fucker I see every morning outside your house?” “That’s right,” says the first guy. “Jesus,”…
A naked man was walking down the street with a woman on his back A bloke on the other side of the road asked, “Where are you going?” The naked man replied, “To a fancy dress party.” “What as?” asked the bemused gentleman. “A tortoise”, said the naked man. “Well, who is the woman on…
A priest and a taxi driver die and go to heaven. St. Peter greets them. He takes the taxi driver to a large mansion. St. Peter than takes the priest to a slightly less nice house. “Wait,” said the priest,”Why does the taxi driver get a nicer house than me?” St. Peter looked at his…
A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line. Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams “Tornado!” Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the…
A Blonde gets caught speeding The cop is also a blonde. Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.” Driver: “What’s that?” Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.” Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop. Cop looks at it, hands it back…
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, “If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” The children unanimously replied, “No.” The teacher then asked, “If I were to keep the church clean, mow the…
Little Sam loves ninjas He has a ninja costume, throwing stars, the whole shebang. One day he’s playing and whacks himself in the eye with a nunchuck. He runs downstairs to his mum, bawling. “Mummy, look what happened!” She sees the welt and screams, “Sam, your eye!” Sam stops crying, looks up and says, “For…
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst… Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman: “Ma’am, I think your husband…