Naming the kids A guy named Jay walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How’s your wife doing?” the bartender asks. “She’s doing great. The doctor says the pregnancy is going well and we can expect two healthy twin girls,” Jay replies. “I’d really like to name them after myself, but can’t decide on…
What’s in a name? A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. “You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re fine,” he says. “Your brother named them.” Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He’s an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, “What’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor…
A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The cowboy approaches the front desk and asked for a room. He said, ‘We’re on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed. The clerk winked, ‘You want the ‘Bridal’?’ The cowboy…
My friend’s a taxi driver One time when I missed the bus to work, he drove me there. When we arrived, he charged me the regular price. “Oh, I thought you’re just doing me a favor?” “No, dude”, he said, “that’s company car and they pay for the gas, I’m not allowed to drive people…
Two 90-year-olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, “Well, tonight’s the night we have sex!” And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself: My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!…
Why do the Lannisters have such big beds? They push two twins together to make a king. edit: OK, so, apparently this joke was made 10 months ago by some other person. I never knew about that, I thought this was an original joke, so all you people busting a nut because you think I…
On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, “Today we’re creating a place called Canada. “Today we’re creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife.” “Sir,”…
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point….
Little Johnny’s neighbour had a baby but it was born without ears. Little Johnny and his mum went to visit the baby but he was warned if he mentioned its ears he would be in trouble. Johnny looked into the cot and said ‘what a lovely baby, good feet hands and skin. How is his…
In class, a teacher asked her students what was something good that they did today The first kid says “I gave money to a homeless man” The second kid says “I helped my mom with the chores” The third kid says “I helped an old lady cross the street” The teacher was very impressed and…