Dirty Old Man Joke #536 An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might…
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Sam looks around and asks, “Now, who is going to tell the wife?” They draw straws. Lester, who…
It’s clean So I worked late last night, and when I left I detoured 2 blocks to buy a newspaper. While walking to my car,, a young lady was coming the other way and as we were passing, she said “You look a little lonely. Want some company?” Now this was no tenderloin district, so…
After telling his wife he was working late at the office …a man took his secretary to a hotel room and had wild sex with her. But on his way home, he noticed a huge love bite on his neck and began to panic. What would he tell his wife? Walking in the door he…
During the height of the Great Patriotic War, Stalin is listening to the updates his marshals give him on the situation on the fronts When the meeting is over, Zhukov is the first one to step out. “Mustachioed asshole” he mumbles as he slams the door. Stalin’s personal secretary, Poskrebyshev happens to hear Zhukov’s outburst….
Not much of a man… An old, grizzled truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one spat in…
A blonde comes home from school and says “Mummy, mummy, all the other girls in my class can only count to 10 but I can count to 20. Is it because I’m blonde?” Her mother replies: “Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the blonde comes home from school and says: “Mummy, mummy,…
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him. Priest: Hi…
A housewife buys a parrot from a pet store At the counter, the cashier warns her that the parrot used to live in a brothel and picked up a lot of the language they used. She takes the parrot back to her house and puts him in a cage. The bird looks around and says…