A blonde comes home from school and says “Mummy, mummy, all the other girls in my class can only count to 10 but I can count to 20. Is it because I’m blonde?” Her mother replies: “Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the blonde comes home from school and says: “Mummy, mummy,…
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don’t know but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let’s have a word with him. Priest: Hi…
An adorable old woman visits the doctor. “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least ten times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was farting because it…
A good approach in asking for a raise . . . A maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and asked: “Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?” Maria: “Well Senora, there are three reasons I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than…
A housewife buys a parrot from a pet store At the counter, the cashier warns her that the parrot used to live in a brothel and picked up a lot of the language they used. She takes the parrot back to her house and puts him in a cage. The bird looks around and says…
A Statistician Refuses to Fly His friend asks him, “Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?” “Irrational?” the statistician replies, “Not at all. I’ve merely calculated the odds of a bomb being placed on a plane and it’s much too high for my comfort.” A few days later, the friend boarded a flight…
A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door. “Stay where you are,” she said. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re in bed with me.” Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he…
An anti-semite goes to a bar An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn’t like it. “Bartender!” he says, nodding at the Jew, “A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!” Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch. The [anti-semite!](http://www.afterfeed.com/story/detail/13350/14-epic-jokes-by-chandler-bing-from-friends-that-will-make-hole-in-your-belly) looks over…
Here is a joke that made my 7 year old twins laugh like hyenas. On a flight, the passengers suddenly hear: “Here is your pilot. Today is my 10.000th flight. I would like to do something special. Would you like to experience a loop? Then applaud.” The excited passengers applaud. The pilot says, “ok, fasten…
A blonde orders a beer A blonde orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman’s boobs and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs. Each time the blonde calls for another beer this…