Putin dies and goes to hell Putin dies and goes to hell. One day the devil allows him a day back on earth. Putin goes to a bar in Moscow. He ask the bartender “Is Crimea ours?” “yes” “Donbass?” “Thats also ours” “Kyiv?” “Ours” Putin is happy and prepares to go back to hell, he…
A Baptist preacher sits next to a cowboy on a flight. After the plane takes off, the cowboy asks for a whiskey and soda, which is promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asks the preacher if he would like a drink. Appalled, the preacher replies, “I’d rather be tied up and…
Some Yank had the audacity to say us Texans were dumb for not having Snow Tires. Bless their heart. We may not have as much experience as y’all Yanks when it comes to snow, but after tinkering with it a couple minutes I think all of us Texans can agree to try and make a…
So I’m standing at the bus stop, eating a sandwich… And there’s an old lady there with a little chihuahua. It’s constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich. I ask the lady, ” Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?” ” Why no, go ahead”, she says, sweetly. So I…
A black guy goes into an electronics store He tells the salesman “I’m here to see your hi-fis. Maybe Panasonic, Yamaha, or Sharp.” The salesman says “Oh right let me guess – you’re going to blast that rap music at full volume. Probably going to piss off your neighbors.” The black guy says “Yes exactly….
Jeff walks into a magic shop. He walks up to the man at the counter and asks “What magic can you do” The man at the counter replies “Voodoo, magic reversal, time travel, and-“ Jeff interrupts him and says “Wait, go back” Jeff walks into a magic shop, and the man at the counter says…
A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. “Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “…I’m sorry” The dad being a dad replies “hi sorry, I’m Dad!” He then turns to the…
Man walking through a shopping mall with his wife. He looks off into the distance and see’s his mother-in-law exiting a store. As she glances over towards the couple, 6 thugs jump her and start attacking her. The husband looks on in shock while the wife screams: “Don’t just stand there! Aren’t you going to…
An elderly man lay on his deathbed An elderly man lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife, three kids, and a nurse. With a deep breath, he began speaking: “Bill, you get the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, the offices in the Center Center are yours. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are all…
A curious child asked his mother… “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?” The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!” The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only…