Genie: You have 3 wishes. Genie: You have 3 wishes. Me: I’ve seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way. Genie: I promise that won’t happen. I’m so sure it won’t I’ll give you infinite wishes if it does. Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with…
I was cleaning one of my finger guns. I accidentally blew a hole through my air guitar. Edit: thanks anonymous redditors for the awards: two silvers and a hugz! I am unworthy! Awards keep coming in. I feel like one of those North Korean generals that run out of chest space and have to start…
A woman goes to the doctor… and says, “Doc, I think these hormone pills you gave me are a little strong. My voice is getting deeper and I’m starting to grow some hair on my chest.” The doctor replies, “Hair on your chest huh? How far down does it go?” The woman answers, “All the…
A husband and wife are celebrating their 20th anniversary……. The wife is naked in front of her husband and says ” The first time you saw me naked you said you wanted to suck my tits dry and fuck my brains out. What do you think now?” The husband looks at his wife and says…
The Boyfriend A teenager brings home her new boyfriend to meet her parents. They’re disgusted by his haircut, tattoos & piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Honey, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh come on Mom” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community…
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, “Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000 ?”. She agreed, so they went to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, ” Aren’t you gonna bite them?”….
I took a walk through a park and saw this woman breastfeeding her son….. ….. “Theres people here for crying out loud. Do you have to do that where everyone can see you?” “Well, it’s a physical bond between a mother and her child isn’t it? It’s only the society that deems it unacceptable to…
Upon waking, a woman said to her husband, “I just dreamt that you gave me a necklace of pearls. What do you think it means?” The man smiled and kissed his wife. “You’ll know tonight,” he whispered. That evening, the man came home with a small package which he gave to his wife. She jumped…
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, “I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying…
A woman sent two ties to her son in law. Some weeks later, she invited him and her daughter over for dinner and in an attempt to impress his mother-in-law, the son-in-law wore one of the ties she’d sent him. The meal was extremely tense and uncomfortable with the mother-in-law maintaining a stony silence. Finally…