Blondes At The Bus Stop. Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside, asking the driver – “will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?” The bus driver shakes his head, “no, I’m sorry, it won’t” he says. The other blonde…
Wife sends her programmer husband grocery shopping She tells him: “I need butter, sugar and cooking oil. Also, get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs, get 6.” The husband returns with the butter, sugar and cooking oil, as well as 6 loaves of bread. The wife asks: “Why the hell did you…
We should have a TV show where illegal immigrants hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship We can call it “Alien vs Predator” [EDIT]: Wow I can’t believe the amount of people who would want to make it a reality. *Netflix if your seeing this post you know what to do.* **If you…
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she’d been stood up. Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV. No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her…
A man notices a Mexican bookstore He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before. He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, “Do you have the book on Donald Trump’s foreign policies with Mexico?” The clerk replies, “Fuck you!! Get out, and stay out!!” The man…
A German girl married a Spanish man & went to Spain.. She can’t speak Spanish. Each time she wants to buy chicken legs, she would lift her skirt & show her thighs to enable the seller understand her… This went on for sometime. One day, she wanted to buy banana, so she took her husband…
A woman tells her doctor, “Kiss me!” The doctor says “What? Why would I do something like that?” The woman says again, “Kiss me now!” The doctor replies, “Certainly not!” The woman demands a third time, “Doctor, I want you to kiss me!” The doctor answers, “No! It’s unprofessional, highly unethical, and to be honest…
I told my wife when I first met her that I play a LOT of golf I told her … If it’s a beautiful sunny day I’m gonna play golf If it’s windy I’ll play golf If it’s rainy I’ll play golf If we’re in a minor car accident, I’ll drop her off at the…
The Clintons snuck out of Secret Service and spent a weekend driving around like in the good ol’ days They stop at a gas station and the owner, it turns out, is Hillary’s high school boyfriend. After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says “See, if you’d married him, you’d be married to a…
A nurse walks into a bank… A nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. She grabs a deposit slip, pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse, and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and, without missing a beat, says, “well,…