To the driver of the tricked out Vauxhall Astra… … who was doing about 90mph down my road with your crappy music barely audible over your Halfords bargain bin exhaust, you nearly hit my mother in law as she was out walking her dog. She’s elderly, overweight and walks with a stick. How much more…
A yacht salesman was trying to figure out his commission. He wasn’t the best at basic math, his smart phone was dead and to make matters worse, he’d lost his calculator. Frustrated with his plight, he asked his secretary. “Mrs Wilkins, if I were to offer you 23% of 3.6 million dollars in sales, what…
The Biggest Coward Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward. The first kid says,” My dad is so scared that when a lightning strikes my dad slides underneath our bed.” The second kid goes,” That’s nothing, my dad is so scared, that when mummy works night shift, my dad sleeps with…
Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign.. “The way you’ve taken is wrong, stop and turn back now, before it’s too late!” The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a sparse finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later a loud crash is heard. One of the nuns thoughtfully…
A politician visited a remote little rural village and asked the inhabitants what the government could do for them. “We have two big needs,” said the village headman. “First, we have a hospital but no doctor.” The politician whipped out his cellphone, spoke for a while and then said: “I have sorted it out. A…
A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house’s private study Maid: “I’d like a raise.” Mrs. Smith:”Why do you think you deserve a raise? Maid:”Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you.” Mrs. Smith:”Who told you that?” Maid:”Your husband. Second, I clean…
A man visits a Doctor He says “doctor my maid has tested positive for corona virus” Doctor says “ok she would now have to go in isolation” “But sir, I had kissed her” “No problem, all make mistakes in youth. You are also going in isolation” “But then I kissed my wife too” “You crazy…
The Housewife and the Grocer 1988 (cat. no. 62) A Housewife selected three small tomatoes and was told by the grocer they were 75 cents. “What!” she exclaimed, “75 cents for those small tomatoes? Well, you can just take them and you know what you can do with them!? “I can’t lady,” replied the unhappy…
A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!” The hypnotherapist shakes his head. “Not again…” – Shamelessly stolen…
I walked into the living room to find my wife breast feeding our son… “How long do you have to do that for?” I asked. “When is he going to be too old for it?” “Well, it’s a physical bond between a mother and her child isn’t it? It’s only society that deems it unacceptable…