A woman threatens her boyfriend A woman threatens her boyfriend : “If you won’t stop telling me that I’m fat, I’m going to leave you !” – “Don’t do this darling ! Think about our child !” says the boyfriend, trying to convince her to stay. – “But we **don’t** have any child !” eructs…
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke… What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said “I think that’s disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a…
Olympic Condoms A man gets home one day from work and excitedly shows off to his wife that he bought a pack of *Olympic Condoms*. “What do you say I slip on a gold one and we give it a go?” He asks her with a grin. She simply responds, “Why don’t you try out…
Back in the Soviet era, the Kiwis military got a telex from the Soviet Antiartic base. “We’ve been granted a weekend of Shore Leave for 10 of us in Aukland for next week. We are requesting 25 dozen condoms… Back in the Soviet era, the Kiwis military got a telex from the Soviet Antiartic base….
Over the counter A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist ” I’ve heard a lot about that Viagra stuff does it really work” the pharmacist says “yea it works great” the guy asks “do you think I can get it over the counter” the pharmacist says “Well If you took enough…
My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town. About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him. Me: “Grandpa be careful on I-94 there’s a man driving…
So I walked into a sex shop the other day… Me: I’m looking for a blow up doll Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender? Me: I’d like a female. Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim? Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What’s the difference? Manager:…
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was. Little Johnny replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”…
A Day Off An man goes to see his boss.. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow before my mother-in-law arrives for Christmas. My wife needs me to help with cleaning, moving and hauling stuff.” “COVID has us short-handed,” the boss replies. “I can’t afford to give anyone a day off.” The man…
On his death bed, an old jew says to his wife: Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no? – Sure I was, Moshe. When the Nazis drove us out of our beloved Deutschland you were beside me again, no? – I was, Moshe. And now you’re at my death…