A waitress spots a dejected looking man staring at the menu… Concerned, she approaches and asks if she can help. Man: I’d like to order my late wife’s usual meal but I can’t remember it… Waitress: I’m so sorry! Could you describe it to me? I’m sure we can figure out what her favorite was….
A door to door salesman… A door to door salesman was making his rounds. he stops at one house and knocks on the door. a little boy of about eight opens the door, cigarette in one hand, bottle of beer in the other. “oh,” says the salesman, “little boy, is your mummy home?” the boy…
A nun is having a bath when she hears a knock at the door…. “Who is it?” she calls out. “It’s the blind man,” comes the reply. She panics for a moment, horrified at the thought of anyone seeing her naked but then realises that, being blind, there’s no risk at all. “Alright,” she says….
How tall is a penguin? A man rushes into a bar and screams at the bartender, “How tall is a penguin?” The bartender looks at him weirdly and says, “Excuse me?” The man repeats, “How tall is a penguin?” The bartender motions with his hands. “Uh, about this high.” The color drains from the man’s…
A software tester walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Flies into a bar. Jumps into a bar. And orders: a beer. 2 beers. 0 beers. 99999999 beers. a lizard in a beer glass. -1 beer. “qwertyuiop” beers. Testing complete. A real customer walks into the…
A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built. Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with calm. When the flight…
A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors… A plane is full of a bunch of Redditors, and suddenly a man starts having a heart attack. One of the flight attendants (who frequents r/AskReddit) notices this and quickly shouts: “People of the plane, we’re having an emergency! Is anyone on this plane a doctor?”…
A blond cop pulls over a blond and asks for identification. The blond asks, “What’s that?” The blond cop replies, “It’s the thing in your purse with your picture on it.” The blond reaches into her purse, pulls out her compact mirror, and hands it over. The blond cop opens it, takes a look, and…
A couple have been married 25 years, and one day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500. He asked his wife and she responded, “Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet.” The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife…
An engineer comes to work one day with a new bike. His friend says “Cool bike. Where did you get it?” First guy says “I was walking home through the park. A beautiful woman on a bike rode up, jumped off the bike, stripped naked, and told me to take whatever I wanted. I took…