My friend’s a taxi driver One time when I missed the bus to work, he drove me there. When we arrived, he charged me the regular price. “Oh, I thought you’re just doing me a favor?” “No, dude”, he said, “that’s company car and they pay for the gas, I’m not allowed to drive people…
A cowboy and his wife had just got married and found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The cowboy approaches the front desk and asked for a room. He said, ‘We’re on our honeymoon and we need a nice room with a good strong bed. The clerk winked, ‘You want the ‘Bridal’?’ The cowboy…
What’s in a name? A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. “You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re fine,” he says. “Your brother named them.” Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He’s an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, “What’s the girl’s name?” “Denise,” the doctor…
Naming the kids A guy named Jay walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How’s your wife doing?” the bartender asks. “She’s doing great. The doctor says the pregnancy is going well and we can expect two healthy twin girls,” Jay replies. “I’d really like to name them after myself, but can’t decide on…
A boy came to his mother and asked her “Mom, where did I come from?” The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him “Do you understand what I said?” The boy replied “Yes, I do, but what I want…
An American businessman was in Japan… He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming “Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!”, which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said “Fujifoo”….
My Daughter woke me up. My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. “Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. “Guess how old I’m going to be next month. “I don’t know,” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?” She smiled and held up four fingers. It is 7:30 now. My wife…
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him… “How tall is a Penguin, this tall?” “No, they’re much shorter than that”, he answers. He looks to the man at his left- “How tall is a penguin, this tall?” “Nowhere near that…
A trucker is driving his rig at night He’s on the phone to one of his mates. At one point he asks: “Fred, what would you say is the height of the largest type of penguin?” “That’s a really weird question Tom, but I guess around 120cm” “Ah… are you sure? Not tall as say,…
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, “If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?” The children unanimously replied, “No.” The teacher then asked, “If I were to keep the church clean, mow the…