A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem with gas, but it doesn’t bother me much.” My farts are always silent and never smell. I probably farted 15 times since I’ve been here, and you didn’t realize it. The doctor says, “Interesting. Why don’t you take these…
A woman is walking home with her three daughters. The eldest daughter turns to her and asks, “Mummy, how did I get my name?” “Well sweetie, when we were bringing you home from the hospital, a rose petal landed on your head! So that’s why we named you Rose”. The second daughter, now curious, asks…
Three rough-looking bikers stomp into a truck stop. They see a grizzled old-timer having breakfast. One of the bikers extinguishes his cigarette in the old guy’s pancakes. The second biker spits a wad of chewing tobacco into his coffee. The third biker dumps the whole plate onto the floor. Without a word of protest, the…
With the economy sinking, the government orders a public poll to listen to its citizens and the results came in The president is excited in his cabinet, waiting for the secretary to hear the news about how the public is feeling. The secretary rushes in: “Well Mr President, the public is divided. The optmistic ones…
A man and his wife are on a cruise The ship capsizes but the man manages to get onto a lifeboat in time. However he notices that his wife is missing. Distraught he shouts. -A 100$ to the man that can save my wife! Upon hearing this several men jump into the water to rescue…
An Englishman, a Scottish man, and an Irish man all walk into a pub with their wives. They all sit down and order a cup of tea. The Englishman looks to his wife and says “could you pass the honey, honey?” The Scottish man thinks to himself how clever that was, then turns to his…
Little Johnny learns about surnames The teacher stands at the front of the class. “So, what have we learned today about surnames? Can you figure out what your ancestors did all day? … Yes, Tommy *Smith*?” “My family used to make shoes for horses!” “That’s right! And yes, you, Janey *Archer*? What did your ancestors…
Little Johnny took a child to the barber shop. He got his own hair cut, then told the barber, “You cut the kid’s hair—I’m just going to buy some vegetables.” The barber gave the child a haircut, but Little Johnny never returned. After a long wait, the barber asked the kid, “Where did your older…
A cowboy walks into a saloon and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running late?” “Nope.” he replies. “I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was…
A woman arrived at a party A woman arrived at a party & while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him smiled and said, “Hello. My name is Carmen.” “That’s a beautiful name,” he replied. “Is it a family name?” “No,” she replied. “As a matter of fact I…