A bear walks into a bar… The bear says: “I’d like a whiskey and……………………….coke please. Bartender says: “Why the big pause?” Bear replies: “I was born with them.” Edit: Thanks for the upvotes! I actually lived this joke right before posting while making dinner for my kids (changed the drink and location). Here’s how it…
Little Johnny is at the park with his dad… They see two dogs humping and Little Johnny asks, “What are they doing dad?” Little Johnny’s dad not wanting to lie responds, “they are making puppies”. Later that night little Johnny walks in on his mom and dad making love in missionary position. Little Johnny asks,…
[old joke] A navy officer sent a letter to his wife that he would be arriving a week earlier.. When he arrives,he finds his wife in bed with another man. Disgusted, he goes to the navy base and stays in the lodge contemplating what to do next. The next day, he receives a call from…
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows “Twenty bucks,” she says. He’s never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They’re going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them—it’s a police officer. “What’s going on…
Sex could be fatal… An 85 year old man, who has been a single widower for 30 years, gets engaged to a 27 year old girl. He goes to his doctor for a Viagra prescription in preparation for his wedding night. The doctor tells him, ” I need to warn you that given the length…
A woman was forced to choose between two suitors to wed. The first man was about 4 foot 5 tall and ran a very successful store that sold many fruits and vegetables. The other man was disgusting. He was covered head to toe in boils and bedsores and smelled awful. He had not ever even…
A guy walks into a pharmacy.. A guy walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he has anything for somebody who needs to get through a really stressful situation. The pharmacist thinks for a few seconds and holds up a bottle of pills, “this is pretty strong stuff. One of these relaxes the…
A man bought a box with 100 condoms… When he came home he counted the condoms, and to his dismay found that here were only 99 condoms in the box. He immediately wrote an email to the company, to complain about the missing condom. Already the next day he got an express delivery with a…
A middle aged man needs to buy condoms, but he doesn’t know what size he needs… So he asks the cashier at the checkout line. She reaches over the counter, grabs his crotch, and calls out over the intercom, “Medium condoms needed at register 3!” An older gentleman has the same problem later that day,…
A man is cheating on his wife A man is cheating on his wife Lorain with her sister Cleerly. After years of this, Lorain becomes terminally ill, and the man decides to devote all of his time to his wife, leaving his mistress alone. After his wife passes, he spends all of his time planning…