A group of engineering professors board a plane to a conference… After they are all seated in their row, the flight attendants announce that their students were the ones that built the plane they were sitting in. The professors jump out of their seats and run to the door in a panic. When they notice…
A Mormon and an Irishman are on a plane A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the…
A farmer is being interviewed about his cows Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give? Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one? Interviewer: Brown one. Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer: And the black one? Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What…
(Irish joke, sorry guys). A teacher is giving an English lesson on the word “Contagious”… …She asks the class for examples of when they have heard the word being used. One eager child says “Daddy says to cover my mouth when I cough because my cold is contagious”. “Very good!” replied the teacher, “has anybody…
It’s also mine Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give? Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one? Interviewer: Brown one. Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer: And the black one? Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to…
A kid trying to catch an STD The police pick up a young kid at 2 am, in the red light district and ask him what he’s doing “Looking for a prostitute” “Why do you want to find a prostitute?” “So I can catch an STD!” “Why would you want to do that?” “Well, if…
Teacher asks Johnny what he want to be when he grows up. “I Wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive club, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari over a million, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe; an Infinite visa card, and make love…
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. “Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile. “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist. “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then…
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks, ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’ ‘No, but I know exactly where I am,’ Heisenberg replies. The cop says, ‘you were doing 55 in a 35.’ Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, ‘Great!…
A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle…. So she says to her baby _”Eat up now or I’m going to give it to that nice man over there”_ and points at the man sitting across from her 10 mins later _”You have to eat, baby, or I…