You bastard A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.” “You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom. “You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge. “Bastard!” the same person yells. The judge addresses the…
Professor told dirty jokes in class Professor told dirty jokes in class and the women wanted to protest it. So they decided that in the next time that the professor will start with these kinds of jokes,they all will leave the class as a protest. Somehow the professor heard about the protest. In the next…
Two midgets go into a bar, where they pick up two hookers and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first midget, however, is unable to get an erection. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “ONE, TWO, THREE.. UUHH!” all night long. In the…
The Italian man says, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with olive oil, we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end.” The Frenchman boasts, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with…
A husband and wife sat down at their table at a coffee shop in New York. The wife saw a pretty young woman sitting at a table and wearing the most gorgeous pair of shoes she’s ever seen. “I’d like to know where that lady got those shoes,” she said to her husband. The husband…
A big muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store… ..and asks, “W-w-w-what’s y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w whats y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” Again, the clerk doesnt answer him. The guy asks several…
A joke my grandma told me at our last family reunion. Liz and Mary are working hard at their desks. Liz stands up and invites Mary to go outside for a cigarette. They go outside only to find it’s pouring rain so badly it would be impossible to smoke. However, Mary pulls a condom out…
A young guy goes into a drug store owned by two spinster sisters. He awkwardly says to the one lady at the pharmacy counter, “Um, this is embarrassing but I have this condition where about once a day I become incredibly aroused and overcome by the desire to have sex with any woman at all….
My 3 year old daughter asked My 3 year old daughter asked: “Where does poo come from?” I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: “You just had breakfast?” “Yes”, she replied. “Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes…
Password security questions for the depressed What is the name of your least favorite child? In what year did you abandon your dreams? What is the maiden name of your father’s mistress? At what age did your childhood pet run away? What was the name of your favorite unpaid internship? In what city did you…