She has been shot (up). Guy: Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection, and the rubber never broke. How is it possible? Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his…
Two women were walking home from a night out… When they both decided they needed to take a piss , so they quickly hopped over a wall into a cemetery and did their business. A few days later the husbands of these two women were at the pub, when one said to the other “i…
Three dumb guys are in a bar talking about their cheating wives… First guy says, “I’m sure my wife is having an affair with a plumber. Yesterday when I came home I found a lot of plumbing equipment under our bed that don’t belong to me.” Second guy says, “I’m sure my wife is having…
A couple from Alabama get married. They go off to Las Vegas for their honeymoon. They get settled in their room for their first night together. As he’s getting ready to take off his robe, she says “Be gentle. It’s my first time”. He gets outraged, packs his stuff, and leaves. His dad lets him…
I man had a girlfriend named Wendy… …he decided to get a tattoo of her name on his penis. When erect, it read “Wendy”, and when flaccid, all you saw was “W” and “Y”. Out for dinner one day, he excused himself to the bathroom and went to the urinal, next to him was a…
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second, everything was quite in the cab. Then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever…
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question… The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t…
Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks. After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more English by saying: “Every day I have taken…
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want,…
3 dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand…