My daughter learned to count! My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game. “Daddy,” she whispered, tugging…
A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister. The young man devastated but still wanting to get…
Blonde guy gets home from work… Hears his wife screaming, coming from their bedroom upstairs. He sprints up, and opens the door to see his wife laying naked on their bed, sweating and panting. “Honey! Help! I’m having a heart attack!” He runs back down the stairs and starts dialing the ambulance, when his son…
Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English Two Syrian refugees compete to see who can become the most English in three weeks. After three weeks the Syrians meet again at a McDonalds. The first Syrian makes his case for him being more English by saying: “Every day I have taken…
My ten year old daughter told this one… A girl and a boy are locked out of their house. They can’t find any way in, so the girl leans forward and starts talking to the door lock… “Hey door lock you’re looking nice today, why don’t you go ahead and let us in.” The door…
My 3 year old daughter asked My 3 year old daughter asked: “Where does poo come from?” I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: “You just had breakfast?” “Yes”, she replied. “Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes…
An Amish girl and her mother were visiting a mall and they were especially amazed by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again with a room inside. The girl asked, “Mother, what is this?” The mother, never having seen an elevator before, responded, “I have no idea.” While the girl…
A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? “Because he used to live in a brothel” says…
A woman goes to buy a parrot and notices the prices are $100, $200, and $15. Curious, she asks why the last one is so cheap. The shopkeeper replies, “That one used to live in a brothel.” Amused, she decides to buy it for $15. When she brings the parrot home, it immediately says, “Well,…