A man asks for his wife on his deathbed Man: Dear I have to tell you a secret. Wife: You don’t have to. Man: I must. I cannot leave this world with this secret. Please forgive me. Wife: Ok, tell me. Man: I have a mistress. Wife: I know. I found out earlier today. Now…
Wife enters the house while the husband is in the room with his mistress Scared the husband quickly wears his clothes and tells his mistress to hide and goes to confront his wife. Husband:So honey how was work today? Wife:It was as usual my superman. Husband:Anything new happened today? Wife:Nothing my superman Husband:But honey,why do…
So God’s getting ready to go on vaction… And he’s packing his bag and an angel comes up and asks, “So, where are you going to go for your vacation?” And God says, “Huh, not Earth again, last time I went there I got this Jewish girl pregnant and they haven’t stopped talking about it…
A kid comes running home from school, drops his backpack. And says, “Dad, guess what? I made 5 bucks today!” His dad asks, “Really? How’d you do that?” The kid grins and says, “I didn’t take the bus. I ran home behind it and saved the fare!” The dad replies, “Brilliant! But why didn’t you…
God said to Gabriel: “I’ve finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains, spectacular lochs, and whisky – the most amazing drink in my creation. I shall call this land ‘Scotland’” “That sounds fantastic” Gabriel said. “What have the people of this land done to deserve all this?” “Well” said God. “Wait til you see the neighbours…
A couple of Italian guys are discussing who, if they could choose any woman in the world, they’d rather bang One of them says some big name actress, the other says “Virginia Pippilini.” The first guy’s like, “Who’s that? Is she a model?” “I don’t know” “Actress?” “I don’t know.” “Singer?” “I don’t know.” “Well…
The whole family are having breakfast together when, the grandson looks over at his 22 year old sexy newlywed wife and asks her, “Will you pass the honey, honey?” She giggles and passes the honey. His father, not to be outdone, looks over to his beautiful wife and asks, “Will you pass the sugar, sugar?”…
Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection.”What’s that, Mummy?” asks the child.”Nothing, Johnny, nothing,” says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.A week later Johnny’s dad takes him and the same happens. “What’s that, Daddy?””That, son, is the elephant’s penis.””Mummy said it was nothing.””Your…
For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon. One day at home, Tommy’s mother let him feel the baby kicking. Tommy didn’t say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said,…
A woman awakes from sedation after giving birth to quadruplets A nurse comes in and says, “since your husband was with you while you recovered, your brother said he’d fill out the babies’ paperwork.” “My idiot brother, the drummer named my babies?! What he did name them??” “Let’s see… first there’s Anna.” “That’s not so…