A man walks into a seafood restaurant and was told they had Lobster Tails on offer for $1. “They must be small,” he says. “No, they’re normal size,” replies the waitress. “Well they’re old then.” “Fresh today,” she answers. “Then I’ll have one,” says the man, smiling. The waitress takes him to table and he…
A Psychiatrist is sitting in his office… When his secretary comes in and says “Sir, there’s a man here to see you who thinks he’s a flock of crows. If you ask me we should just send him to the loony bin and be done with it.” And the psychiatrist replied “Doris! Are you asking…
A little girl goes up to her mom and asks, “Mommy, where do babies come from?” Mom says, “You get babies when mommies and daddies have sex.” “What’s sex?” “Sex is when Daddy puts his penis into Mommy’s vagina.” The girl thinks for a moment. “Okay… but last night I saw that Daddy was putting…
A curious child asked his mother… “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?” The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!” The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only…
An elderly man lay on his deathbed An elderly man lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his wife, three kids, and a nurse. With a deep breath, he began speaking: “Bill, you get the Beverly Hills houses. Mary, the offices in the Center Center are yours. Debra, the apartments over the L.A. Plaza are all…
Man walking through a shopping mall with his wife. He looks off into the distance and see’s his mother-in-law exiting a store. As she glances over towards the couple, 6 thugs jump her and start attacking her. The husband looks on in shock while the wife screams: “Don’t just stand there! Aren’t you going to…
A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend At her parents house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them. “Dad!” she exclaimed in a panic “…I’m sorry” The dad being a dad replies “hi sorry, I’m Dad!” He then turns to the…
Jeff walks into a magic shop. He walks up to the man at the counter and asks “What magic can you do” The man at the counter replies “Voodoo, magic reversal, time travel, and-“ Jeff interrupts him and says “Wait, go back” Jeff walks into a magic shop, and the man at the counter says…
A black guy goes into an electronics store He tells the salesman “I’m here to see your hi-fis. Maybe Panasonic, Yamaha, or Sharp.” The salesman says “Oh right let me guess – you’re going to blast that rap music at full volume. Probably going to piss off your neighbors.” The black guy says “Yes exactly….
So I’m standing at the bus stop, eating a sandwich… And there’s an old lady there with a little chihuahua. It’s constantly jumping at my leg, begging for some sandwich. I ask the lady, ” Do you mind if I throw your dog a bit?” ” Why no, go ahead”, she says, sweetly. So I…