4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke. The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn’t order a Guinness, to which…
A man walks into a bar, orders a double bourbon, neat, and downs it in a single gulp. “How big is a penguin?” he asks. The barman says, “Around 18 inches.” He orders another double bourbon, neat, and gulps it down. “What’s the biggest a penguin can ever be?” The barman frowns. “Three feet, maybe…
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe revising his draft of Being and Nothingness – a book about the philosophy of genuine choice versus just the appearance of having a choice. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.” The waitress, already a big fan, replies, “I’m…
5 year old son after reading a story about a king… Son:Mom, I also want 5 wives.one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me Mom:And one will put you to sleep Son:No mom, i will still sleep with you Mom’s eyes filled up with tears … God bless you son Mom:but who will…
On his birthday, an old guy is going around the nursing home, entertaining himself by saying, “Guess how old I am! Guess how old I am!” “I don;t know, 81? 82?” “Nope! Nope! I’m 95!” He approaches an old lady sitting by herself in the hall, and says, “Guess how old I am!” “OK.” She…
A Day Off An man goes to see his boss.. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow before my mother-in-law arrives for Christmas. My wife needs me to help with cleaning, moving and hauling stuff.” “COVID has us short-handed,” the boss replies. “I can’t afford to give anyone a day off.” The man…
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was. Little Johnny replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.”…
So I walked into a sex shop the other day… Me: I’m looking for a blow up doll Manager: Great, we have plenty! What gender? Me: I’d like a female. Manager: Awesome, and would you like the doll to be Christian, Protestant, or Muslim? Me: (confused) Why does the religion matter? What’s the difference? Manager:…
My grandpa left to pick up his prescription across town. About 10 minutes later I saw a wrong way driver on the news. I got worried since my grandpa had to take that route to get to the pharmacy and called quickly to warn him. Me: “Grandpa be careful on I-94 there’s a man driving…
Over the counter A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the Pharmacist ” I’ve heard a lot about that Viagra stuff does it really work” the pharmacist says “yea it works great” the guy asks “do you think I can get it over the counter” the pharmacist says “Well If you took enough…