A boorish man gave his order to the waitress… A boorish man gave his order to the waitress. “I’m going to start off with a half a dozen oysters on the half shell. You know what they say about oysters, don’t you, honey?” he asked as he winked at the woman. “They make you sexy.”…
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. “Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. “Guess how old I’m going to be next month.” “I don’t know, beauty,” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?” She smiled and held up four fingers. It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been…
The little black jewish boy… A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I…
A mother takes a bath with her 5 year old boy The boy sees her bush and asks, “Mommy what is that?” The mother, thinking quickly, simply says, “Why that’s my sponge, sweetie.” The boy then says, “Oh yeah! The babysitter also has one.” Apalled, the mother asks, “How do you know something like that?”…
A mommy mole, daddy mole, and baby mole are together in their burrow Mommy mole sticks her head out and sniffs the air. She asks, “What’s that smell? Is it brown sugar?” Daddy mole sticks his head out to sniff around, “No I don’t think so. Smells like vanilla to me.” The baby mole still…
A man goes to the hospital to see if he has diabetes. Once he arrives, a nurse asks him for a urine sample. He complies, and moments later, the nurse comes back into the room with the results. “I’m sorry, sir, but we’ve found high traces of glucose in your urine. You’re diabetic.” She says….
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy. The man says, “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The guy replies, “Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup…
A man comes home and finds his wife packing her things. He asked what’s going on. She says she’s leaving him and moving to Las Vegas because she found out that she can make $500 a night as a prostitute. He then starts packing as well. She asks him what he thinks he’s doing. He…
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The girl at the counter asked the older boy, “do you know what these are used for?” The boy replied, “not exactly, but they’re not for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We…
A mother and her child in a taxi, A mother and her child are riding in a taxi when the child asks, “Mom, what are those women doing on the corner?” “They’re waiting for their husbands,” she replies. The taxi driver chimes in, “Come on, lady, those are prostitutes!” The child looks puzzled and asks,…