A boy and a girl are sitting next to each other Boy: If you let me kiss you, I’ll give you a piece of chocolate. Girl: Okay. Boy: If you let me touch your boobs, you’ll get another piece of chocolate. Girl: Okay! Boy: If you let me touch your pussy, you’ll get another one….
A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it. A little girl says, “Walt Disney World is fascinating.” The teacher says, “No, I said, ‘fascinate.’” Another little girl says, “There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life.” The teacher again says, “No, the word is fascinate.”…
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: “How old is this dinosaur skeleton?” He replies: “It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old.” “Wow! It’s amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?”…
A cop pulls over a blonde driving 35 on a 75 MPH highway The cop asks the blonde why she is driving so slow. She replies, “The sign back there says 35!” The cop says, “Ma’am, that is the interstate sign, this is I-35, the speed limit is not 35.” He then notices someone in…
On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement… “Due to a terrible mistake by the airline’s caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing…
The Wife and The Landlord “That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbor. “You didn’t do it, did you?” “I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though,…
Husband’s night out An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume. “I assume,” she said with her most acidic sarcasm, “That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o’clock in the morning with booze on your breath and…
Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life. The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened. He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and…
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss …. Dad: This is unacceptable. I don’t use home phone, I use my work phone. Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone. All of…
After 12 Days of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me: 12 partridges in a pear tree (1 × 12 days), 22 turtle doves (2 × 11 days), 30 French hens (3 × 10 days), 36 calling birds (4 × 9 days), 42 geese a’laying (6 × 7 days), 42 swans a’swimming (7 × 6…