An old guy was supposed to submit samples for his sperm count… …but returned the jar empty. When asked why, he said: “I tried one hand, then two, then I asked my maid to help. She used her hands, her mouth, even her thighs, but nothing! I even asked the gardener. Even the neighbor! Even…
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, “Mommy, why am I named Clover?” “Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family.” Then, her other daughter walks up. “Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?” “Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened.” Finally, her son walks…
My wife found me in the kitchen naked holding a gun “What the hell are you doing?” she screamed, shocked at my appearance. “Quiet woman! I’m hunting decepticons!” I whispered back harshly. She put her hands on her hips. “You’ve been sleep walking again! There are no such thing as decepticons!” I blinked, realizing how…
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. “Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob…
A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How you doing today?” the bartender asks. “Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even,” the guy says. “But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of…
A trucker is driving his rig at night He’s on the phone to one of his mates. At one point he asks: “Fred, what would you say is the height of the largest type of penguin?” “That’s a really weird question Tom, but I guess around 120cm” “Ah… are you sure? Not tall as say,…
A man takes a stool at the bar and orders a drink. Then he asks the man to the right of him… “How tall is a Penguin, this tall?” “No, they’re much shorter than that”, he answers. He looks to the man at his left- “How tall is a penguin, this tall?” “Nowhere near that…
My Daughter woke me up. My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. “Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. “Guess how old I’m going to be next month. “I don’t know,” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?” She smiled and held up four fingers. It is 7:30 now. My wife…
An American businessman was in Japan… He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming “Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!”, which the guy took to be pleasurable.. The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said “Fujifoo”….
A boy came to his mother and asked her “Mom, where did I come from?” The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him “Do you understand what I said?” The boy replied “Yes, I do, but what I want…