An Irishman and a Mormon A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like…
Nervous about flying I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,”…
A blond gets on a plane She sits down in a first class seat even though she bought a ticket for coach. The flight attendants all try to tell her she needs to find her correct seat, but she refuses. Finally the pilot comes and sits down next to her and the blond moves to…
A blonde got tired of blonde jokes One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know…
A lady goes to the doctor for help with her sex life… Doctor: Give your husband viagra. Lady: I can’t, he hates pills. Doctor: Just put it in his coffee. Next week she returns, unhappy. Doctor: Was it good? Lady: It was the worst sex I ever had. He had a few sips of coffee,…
What hurts the worst? A very pregnant woman walks into a bar with her girlfriends and orders a diet coke. “Did you know that childbirth isn’t nearly as painful as it is for a man to get kicked in the balls?” the bartender asks the woman. “What?” The woman exclaims. “How can you say that?…
A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle…. So she says to her baby _”Eat up now or I’m going to give it to that nice man over there”_ and points at the man sitting across from her 10 mins later _”You have to eat, baby, or I…
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car. They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks, ‘Do you know how fast you were going?’ ‘No, but I know exactly where I am,’ Heisenberg replies. The cop says, ‘you were doing 55 in a 35.’ Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, ‘Great!…
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution. “Let’s have sex with a cat?” asked the zoophile. “Let’s have sex with the cat and then torture it,” says the sadist. “Let’s have sex with the cat, torture it and then…
Teacher asks Johnny what he want to be when he grows up. “I Wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive club, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari over a million, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe; an Infinite visa card, and make love…