Raped by an elephant A man crawls into the emergency room profusely bleeding from his anus. “Somebody help! I’ve been raped by an elephant!” The staff was able to get him into surgery to stop the bleeding. Examining the initial hole, the nurse was amazed. It was as as wide as a dinner plate! She…
A little boy saw his mother naked.. and asked her, “What is that between your legs?” The woman, having not shaved her pubic hair in a while, says, “It’s my wash cloth, darling.” The woman shaves her pubic hair that night. A few days later, the boy sees his mother naked again. “Mom, where did…
A man walks into a diner one day and orders a bowl of chili but the waitress says she gave the last of it to a guy sitting nearby who is just staring at it. After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, “Are you going to eat that?” The…
Young Timmy asks his mother a question. “Mummy?” begins Timmy “Yes, Timmy?” she responds, a smile on her face. “Why do you jump up and down on Daddy’s tummy in bed at night?” Slightly shocked, she held her composure. “Well, Timmy, it’s because I’m pushing all of the air out of Daddy’s tummy so that…
A groom breaks tradition by taking a quiet moment with his bride before their wedding… He can barely get one word in before she drops to her knees and gives him the best blowjob he’s ever had. Later, beaming, as he takes his place at the altar, his best man asks him why he’s so…
Henry and Janet are about to get married When Henry arrives at the church, he has a big smile on his face. His best man asks him why he’s so happy, and he says “I know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, but Janet came over this morning and gave me…
A housewife tells the maid. – Callie, you are fired! – Why, Miss Lucy? – Because your work is getting worse! The little you do is very poorly done! Now, take your money and get out of here! The maid took the money, thanked the housewife and, before going out, took a 10 dollar bill…
An Irishman and a Mormon A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London to the US. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like…
Nervous about flying I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,”…
A blond gets on a plane She sits down in a first class seat even though she bought a ticket for coach. The flight attendants all try to tell her she needs to find her correct seat, but she refuses. Finally the pilot comes and sits down next to her and the blond moves to…