Berta and Ethel are two older ladies who were outside smoking cigarettes when it starts rain. Berta reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom with the tip cut off. She slides the condom over the cigarette and resumes smoking. “What are you doing?” asks Ethel. “Oh, this?” replies Berta, “I always carry a…
A groom meets up with his groomsmen at the alter with a huge smile on his face. The best man looks at him and says, “wow, dude, you are really looking forward to this, huh?” The groom replies, “bro, I just got the best blow job I have ever had in my LIFE, and a…
A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey… A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. The barkeep says “That’ll be 2 pence” “2 pence!?” said the man. “That’s cheap! Do you sell food?” “Yep” , said the barkeep “Alright, I’ll have a steak and chips” replied the man “Sure” said…
Bill Clinton is on Air Force One when the Flight Attendant approaches with the lunch menu… Bill looks at the menu briefly, and then looks up and down at the attendant before giving her a wink. He leans over and says “Well, I sure could go for a quickie right about now.” The Attendant is…
A mother and her young daughter are going home by taxi at night… after some time they’re passing by the red-light district and the young girl discovers some prostitutes on the street. She asks her mother: “Mom, what are they doing?” The mother replies: “They’re just guarding the parked cars.” The taxi driver intervenes: “Don’t…
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. Since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast…
A blonde goes to a bar and orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar. It hits the blonde woman’s breasts and splashes all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her breasts. Each time the blonde calls for another beer this…
Pregnancy Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels. His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital. Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax,…
A young man finds the perfect girl from his small village for marriage He asks his father for his blessings, but the father tells him that he was screwing around in his youth, and that the girl he wants to marry is in fact his sister. The young man devastated but still wanting to get…
A completely smashed guy in a torn shirt with lipstick marks all over his face and empty bottle sticking out of his pocket stumbles into a bus and plops down right next to a priest. He pulls out his smartphone, scrolls for a bit, then turns to the priest and asks: “Father, do you happen…