Husband’s night out An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume. “I assume,” she said with her most acidic sarcasm, “That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o’clock in the morning with booze on your breath and…
The Wife and The Landlord “That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker,” the housewife told a neighbor. “You didn’t do it, did you?” “I have to admit I did — though with certain misgivings, I might add. What I haven’t done, though,…
On a flight from Dublin, Ireland to Boston, the chief flight attendant made an announcement… “Due to a terrible mistake by the airline’s caterer, there are only 80 dinners instead of the 225 required to feed all the passengers on board. To fix the situation, we are offering unlimited drinks to anybody who is willing…
A cop pulls over a blonde driving 35 on a 75 MPH highway The cop asks the blonde why she is driving so slow. She replies, “The sign back there says 35!” The cop says, “Ma’am, that is the interstate sign, this is I-35, the speed limit is not 35.” He then notices someone in…
A couple is taking a tour through the Natural History Museum. They ask the tour guide: “How old is this dinosaur skeleton?” He replies: “It is sixty five million and fourteen years and three months old.” “Wow! It’s amazing that you can tell this precise. How do you do that? Is it with carbon dating?”…
A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word “fascinate” in it. A little girl says, “Walt Disney World is fascinating.” The teacher says, “No, I said, ‘fascinate.’” Another little girl says, “There’s so much fascination when it comes to sea life.” The teacher again says, “No, the word is fascinate.”…
A boy and a girl are sitting next to each other Boy: If you let me kiss you, I’ll give you a piece of chocolate. Girl: Okay. Boy: If you let me touch your boobs, you’ll get another piece of chocolate. Girl: Okay! Boy: If you let me touch your pussy, you’ll get another one….
A woman goes to get a tattoo The tattoo artist asks her what she wants and she points to her legs and says right here I want a great big Christmas Tree and on my left thigh I want a great big turkey. Curious the tattoo artist asks why she wants these tattoos The woman’s…
A deaf married couple are on their honeymoon… They were both inexperienced sexually and were having a bit of trouble communicating with the lights off. Finally the wife turns on the lights and signs: “If you are horny, squeeze my tits once, If you are not, squeeze twice.” The husband thought about this and signed…
A pregnant woman falls into a coma.. A 3 month pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6 months later she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: Don’t worry. You had twins, a boy and a girl and your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He’s an…