A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. Handjob €5 He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks: “Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the handjobs?” Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle: “O-Oui monsieur, I am…
A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley… He asks, “how much for full sex?” “$50” she replies. “Ok” says Paddy and they get down to business. Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. “Whats going on here then?” he asks. “Nothing officer, I’m just having sex with…
A guy walks into a bar A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How you doing today?” the bartender asks. “Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even,” the guy says. “But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of…
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. “Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob…
My wife found me in the kitchen naked holding a gun “What the hell are you doing?” she screamed, shocked at my appearance. “Quiet woman! I’m hunting decepticons!” I whispered back harshly. She put her hands on her hips. “You’ve been sleep walking again! There are no such thing as decepticons!” I blinked, realizing how…
A girl walks up to her mother and asks, “Mommy, why am I named Clover?” “Your grandma believes that it brings luck to our family.” Then, her other daughter walks up. “Mommy, why am I named Nirvana?” “Because, your aunt believes that is the place you go when you are enlightened.” Finally, her son walks…
An old guy was supposed to submit samples for his sperm count… …but returned the jar empty. When asked why, he said: “I tried one hand, then two, then I asked my maid to help. She used her hands, her mouth, even her thighs, but nothing! I even asked the gardener. Even the neighbor! Even…
After 12 Days of Christmas, My True Love Gave to Me: 12 partridges in a pear tree (1 × 12 days), 22 turtle doves (2 × 11 days), 30 French hens (3 × 10 days), 36 calling birds (4 × 9 days), 42 geese a’laying (6 × 7 days), 42 swans a’swimming (7 × 6…
The phone bill was exceptionally high. Man called a family meeting to discuss …. Dad: This is unacceptable. I don’t use home phone, I use my work phone. Mum: Me too. I hardly use home phone. I use my companies phone Son: I use my office mobile, I never use the home phone. All of…
Guy wakes up in a hospital room, badly beaten within inches of his life. The doctor is standing over him and asks him what happened. He thinks back. “I was golfing with my wife. She shanked her pink ball into a small cow pasture, just beyond the rough. I went to look for it and…