An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve The Englishman admires it and says “Look at them, calm, reserved, and proper, they were surely English.” The Frenchmen laughs and replies “They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French.” The Russian slowly shakes…
A white guy gets “Wendy” tattooed on his dick. It only shows “Wy” when flaccid. He goes on vacation to Jamaica. In the bathroom peeing, he glances over at a Jamaican guy next to him and sees “Wy” tattooed on his dick too. He says, What a coincidence! Is your wife named Wendy too? The…
A deaf couple gets married On the night of the honeymoon the wife signs “since we can’t see what the other is signing after the lights go out, if you’d like to make love any night grab my right breast. If not, grab my left.” The husband signs back “Great idea. If *you’d* like to…
A Christian couple Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: “Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?” Wife looks confused: “But that’s your task, honey.” “What? Why?” “It’s all over the Bible, dearest.” “The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!” The wife grabs hold of…
A lady calls her butler into her room and says, “Jeeves, take off my dress” He casually says, “Yes, Madam”, and removes the dress. Then she says, “Jeeves, take off my underwear”. Again, he says, “Yes, Madam” and removes the undergarment. She then says, “Jeeves, take off my bra”. Again, with no hesitation he says,…
A young girl came home from college and mentioned that she was thinking about having a baby. Assuming her daughter may already be pregnant, her mother was furious. “What the hell? How’d you get knocked up like this? Who’s the father?” “Mom, you’ve got it all wrong,” her daughter replied, “It’s a class project about…
My wife texted “I’m leaving you” And followed with “after lunch to go shopping with my sister.” I asked why in the world she sent the message that way. “I just wanted you to realize how good you have it with me.” I texted her back “Remind your sister she said she would come over…
A prostitute walks into a church… She asks one of the nuns where the priest is, and is shown to a dark room. She sits in the darkness until she hears the familiar voice of the priest ask, “What troubles you, my child?” The prostitute replies, “Sorry, Daddy, but I’ve been a naughty girl.” The…
Three nuns are gossiping about a priest. The first nun said, “I was going through father’s desk and found pornographic magazines in his drawer.” The second nun gasped and asked, “What did you do with them?” “I burned them.” The second nun then said, “I was going through father’s drawers and found a box of…
A Boeing 737 Max flight attendant walks into a bar and orders a martini . “You’re here later than usual,” the bartender comments. “Problems at work?” “Yes, just as our flight was about to take off we had to turn around and wait at the gate for an hour.” “What was the problem?” the bartender…